Film Friday: Japanese Hell/Jigoku/Hell

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow? Yeah. Wow.



Ok so introductions first, this movie is actually called Hell but of course it is a Japanese film so it is referred to in the Western market as Japanese Hell.  Second of all, I first saw it in a three-movie value pack at a mega store, just to give you an idea of its quality.  Third of all, I watched this movie with no subtitles because my subtitle file was damaged, so the movie was especially ...um...strange? I think it would have been weird either way.

Basically the movie is one big PSA about being a good citizen and a moral person. The plot begins with a girl being taken into Japanese Hell which of course just looks like a big rave where everyone is strung out on acid and ecstasy and is walking around naked. Anyway, The girl is then almost raped, before taken to the Queen of Hell or something where she is shown the crimes of people on earth before these people are punished in Hell.

The first one they see is basically the Japanese version of Napoleon Dynamite but you know...a murderous pedophile. So he goes around being creepy and abducting little girls and what not until he ends up carved to pieces by horse demons and the like. Suddenly, Queen of Hell telekinetically has him pieced back together just so he can be carved up again for all eternity.

After that we get a long scene where we are witness to a good old fashioned cult complete with murder and rape. Anyway lots of cult rape and cult murder, and then the cult kills a subway station full of people.  

Back to Hell where the, Horse Demon and gang show up to lay the draconian smackdown on the cultists. 

Let me just summarize the next 30 minutes for you: Giant Pliers, Mud Wrestling, Lava Door, Hell Dragon, Topless Cannibalism, Topless Vomiting, etc..

Anyway, so the movie at this point has really started to go downhill for me when all of a sudden there is a flash of light and out of this brilliant beacon of hope walks none other than Samurai Jesus (I can't make this up). Look, I know he's Samurai Jesus because A. He's dressed like a samurai. B. The Demons don't like him and attack him on sight and C. He promptly kicks the everloving crap out of the demons before disappearing back into the white light from whence he came.

The movie then ends in the following sequence: sexualized dance number, moral message, TONS OF TOPLESS ASIAN CHICKS, credits.


Yeah I have no idea on this one gang. I don't think subtitles would have helped one bit.

2 out of 5 Hell Dragons