Movie Monday: Zardoz

Ladies and gentleman before I begin my review of Zardoz, I'd like to speak with you a moment about Sean Connery. Oops, forgive me, Sir Sean Connery. He was knighted after all.  Sir Sean Connery holds three Golden Globes and an Academy Award. He is, in many people's opinion, the best actor to portray James Bond. He was in Highlander and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade among many other amazing and respectable films.  He was voted "Sexiest Man Alive" in 1989 and in 1999 only 10 years later, he was proclaimed "Sexiest Man of the Century" . He was voted "Greatest Living Scot." There is a bronze sculpture of him in Estonia.  His film career spans over half a century.  Now ladies and gentlemen, pay attention because there's a dark secret to Sean Connery's illustrious career that you may not know about. I am referring of course to Zardoz. Yes, Zardoz, also known as "That Movie Where Sean Connery Runs Around With a Handlebar Mustache and a Red Diaper."

Only Zardoz is so much more than that. There's also a lot of exposed breasts and psychics. Confused? Good. Let me explain.

Zardoz takes place hundreds of years in the future where the world is basically inhabited by two kinds of people Brutals and Eternals. The Brutals live out in the wilderness and are hunted down by specific Brutals called Exterminators who worship a giant floating stone head called Zardoz that tells them: "The gun is good. The penis is evil. The penis shoots seeds, and makes new life to poison the Earth with a plague of men, as once it was, but the gun shoots death, and purifies the Earth of the filth of Brutals. Go forth ... and kill!"

Anyway, Connery sneaks on board Zardoz and discovers the lie that is his God. He then stows away to the agriculturally and mentally advanced society of the Eternals where he is then taken in as a pet/experiment. Not long after the halfway point the movie kind of devolves into a flurry of pyschic warfare and sexual lust. So yeah...there's that.


Weird, nipple-filled, and confusing. That's the best way to sum up Zardoz. 


Um..2 out of 5 Tiny Zardozes