Greetings readers, let's chat. I hope you appreciate some of the garbage that I watch for you. Because sometimes I watch movies that I really enjoy, and that's alright I don't mind it one bit. But then there are times when I have to endure pieces of cinematic blasphemy like Spawn of the Slithis. I don't know if this movie is a joke or just the all around worst movie I've ever seen. It's so bad I might actually go back and give Q: The Winged Serpent an extra serpent shit to bump it up to a 2 out of 5.
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| Sorry, pal. |
The plot of this kidney stone of a movie is as follows: some radioactive mud is created and is called "Slithis" and it evolves into a monster and starts eating dogs and people. A high school journalism teacher (our hero) runs a a vigilante investigation and take-down of the monster, because you know why educate youth when you could be out hunting cryptids?
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| Forever alone, indeed. |
Here's the list of problems I have with this movie:
- The monster
- disappears about halfway through the movie and is just MIA while we have to endure boring crap like turtle races and homeless people talking to news anchors.
- is very corpulent
- when it "eats" it makes the same noises I make when I eat crawfish (lots of sucking)
- The protagonist
- seriously, he's a high school journalism teacher...I'm not going to root for him.
- The guy's a dick
- He has no charisma
- The Jamaican "sidekick"
- the line "Yes, let's shake hands like you white people"
- The police lieutenant
- dude, seriously you're acting in a really bad B movie, not the Globe's production of "King Lear" stop with the dramatics....
I'm giving this abomination 1 out of 5 cool turtles
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