Film Friday: Chopping Mall

So after, Monday's ungodly viewing experience, I set out in search of some more obscure movies that would hopefully redeem my hope in B-movie cinema.  I didn't have to search long before I found a veritable cornucopia  of science-fiction and horror movies from the 1980's that were just smothered in cheese.  Of these, one title in particular caught my eye, Chopping Mall.  This is my review of that movie.

Let me just say that I have four very specific expectations for an 80's horror movie. They are as follows:

• Cheese
• MIDI
• Sexually deviant teenagers
• A fair amount of absurdity

Chopping Mall meets every single qualification without even flinching. It has the cheesy dialogue, it has the gripping MIDI soundtrack, the sexually deviant teenagers, and the absolutely absurd plot.

Hooray!

The story follows a shopping mall which has just installed three new state-of-the-art security robots that are designed and armed to deter crime. It also has installed futuristic reinforced steel doors that place the mall on total lockdown from midnight to dawn.  This creates the perfect scenario for some teenagers to sneak into the mall after hours and have a crazy party in a furniture store.   Everything is going great at first, the teenagers are drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon and having sex, the robots aren't killing anyone, and the janitor is mopping up a mess, when suddenly a lightning storm strikes and technology just freaks right the hell out. The security robots immediately go on a killing spree that begins with a scientist and a janitor.

Electric Janitor. 

The teens are then slowly picked off, even though they try to defend themselves by pathetically arming themselves from a sporting goods store and trying to look cool. I mean let's face it guys, It's the 80's you're teenagers wearing fairly nice clothes, you don't look bad-ass. 

You just look like you need the directory...

One of the best lines in the movie comes up about now: "I'm sorry. I guess I'm not used to being chased around a mall in the middle of the night by killer robots." This is not said jokingly or with a smile. 

All in all, I freaking loved this movie. It was everything I hoped it would be and more. I cannot praise it enough and I will definitely be whipping it out and parties in the very near future.

5 out of 5 PBR's